[Yosuke, hurt and dying? That was only natural. In the frenzy of the quarantine break, something like that could've only been expected. But Ken didn't deserve it, Naoto didn't deserve it, Ichigo didn't deserve it. Saki didn't deserve it...
Something tight and uncomfortable rises in his throat, choking him. No, he can't cry here - he can't cry in front of Ken. He'd look like such a gigantic loser. Not much of a big senpai for him at all. He manages to keep back any tears, but his face and voice are wrought with contained despair as a result.
What he's being told makes sense. It's not his fault; he didn't know all of this would happen. He thought it was the right thing to do at the time. But no one was there to stop him from doing something stupid. This time, his partner's hand wasn't there to stop his own.]
I have the pathogen just like a bunch of other people. I'm not gonna feel sorry for myself about this, so you don't need to either.
[Death grew on trees around here. He didn't like seeing people die and he certainly didn't like playing a role in other people's deaths, but he looks down at his hands and thinks about the first time he bled because of the disease. He's used to seeing blood, he tells himself; water turns into blood in the Dark Hour, and there wasn't a night he got out of there uninjured. There isn't anything to fear.
It just makes him feel sick that the thought is a direct echo from the man who killed Shinjiro that October night. Life is but a stepping stone...]
Are you going to be tied to the past? If you keep looking over your shoulder at what happened, you'll screw up the next time, too.
[The words would be accusatory if Yosuke's quivering voice didn't sound so meek and pathetic. Then, paradoxically, he laughs bitterly and shakes his head.]
...I thought I was better than this now.
[Not all that long ago, Yosuke promised Souji that he would live for the present, and live his life to the fullest. Has he broken that already?
It was stupid to come here and say all of this. He should have just given Ken the gifts he brought, asked him how he was doing, and left.]
[He shakes his head, and though he's always kept his posture straight and proper around Yosuke, never letting his guard down, he throws himself on his back now, arms stretches out, staring at the ceiling. The lights aren't exactly fixed so it's dark, but there's enough light from the window to count the stains in the tiles.]
You say it like you thought it would be easy, Hanamura-san. Even I...
[He sighs.] I promised my mom I'd be fine. I told Aragaki-san I'd take care of the rest. I thought I decided to move on and forward, and that was why Nemesis turned into Kala-Nemi. But I think coming here threw me back to square one -- I'm just as pathetic as you think you are.
[Yeah, Ken is right. And that just makes him feel worse about it. As bad as his problems are, everyone deals with the same difficulties in the Box, and don't other people have circumstances way worse than what Yosuke brought with him when he arrived? Ken is a good example. His mom is dead, he saw someone die trying to protect him...
But one little scrap of Ken's words strike him a little differently than the rest. "Coming here threw me back to square one." Frowning, he glances over.]
... yeah. Yeah, maybe... is that it...?
[Everyone deals with the same difficulties in the Box. But... everyone's values and strength could falter under that pressure, too.]
I mean - what you said, about being thrown back to square one by coming here. We're being...worn-out?
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inretribution) wrote2014-07-06 02:59 pm
no subject
Something tight and uncomfortable rises in his throat, choking him. No, he can't cry here - he can't cry in front of Ken. He'd look like such a gigantic loser. Not much of a big senpai for him at all. He manages to keep back any tears, but his face and voice are wrought with contained despair as a result.
What he's being told makes sense. It's not his fault; he didn't know all of this would happen. He thought it was the right thing to do at the time. But no one was there to stop him from doing something stupid. This time, his partner's hand wasn't there to stop his own.]
But... Ken... n-now, you're...
no subject
[Death grew on trees around here. He didn't like seeing people die and he certainly didn't like playing a role in other people's deaths, but he looks down at his hands and thinks about the first time he bled because of the disease. He's used to seeing blood, he tells himself; water turns into blood in the Dark Hour, and there wasn't a night he got out of there uninjured. There isn't anything to fear.
It just makes him feel sick that the thought is a direct echo from the man who killed Shinjiro that October night. Life is but a stepping stone...]
Are you going to be tied to the past? If you keep looking over your shoulder at what happened, you'll screw up the next time, too.
no subject
[The words would be accusatory if Yosuke's quivering voice didn't sound so meek and pathetic. Then, paradoxically, he laughs bitterly and shakes his head.]
...I thought I was better than this now.
[Not all that long ago, Yosuke promised Souji that he would live for the present, and live his life to the fullest. Has he broken that already?
It was stupid to come here and say all of this. He should have just given Ken the gifts he brought, asked him how he was doing, and left.]
Sorry.
no subject
[He shakes his head, and though he's always kept his posture straight and proper around Yosuke, never letting his guard down, he throws himself on his back now, arms stretches out, staring at the ceiling. The lights aren't exactly fixed so it's dark, but there's enough light from the window to count the stains in the tiles.]
You say it like you thought it would be easy, Hanamura-san. Even I...
[He sighs.] I promised my mom I'd be fine. I told Aragaki-san I'd take care of the rest. I thought I decided to move on and forward, and that was why Nemesis turned into Kala-Nemi. But I think coming here threw me back to square one -- I'm just as pathetic as you think you are.
no subject
But one little scrap of Ken's words strike him a little differently than the rest. "Coming here threw me back to square one." Frowning, he glances over.]
... yeah. Yeah, maybe... is that it...?
[Everyone deals with the same difficulties in the Box. But... everyone's values and strength could falter under that pressure, too.]
I mean - what you said, about being thrown back to square one by coming here. We're being...worn-out?
no subject
... They know things about us. You guys do it in battle too, don't you? Exploiting the enemies' weaknesses.